3/15/2011
Does real friends make you change who you are?
Okay, deal is that my friends have been trying to change me to someone I'm not. Or at least someone I don't want to be. They have tried to get me to try on different outfits and new jewelry. I have told them I don't like them, but they have just complimented how good they look on me. I'm sick of it. They have tried to make me change my music taste, my school rituals and the way I eat. What I do at home is none of their business, right? They are my friends, but even best friends keep secrets from each other. I think I have the right to do it too and it's not like I know everything about them, because they never tell me anything, because they are too busy complaining about my life-style! There's something about the way my friends treat me. It's with disrespect and disloyalty. They don't trust me to take care of myself. They think that the second I get home I start to do some crazy workouts and cut myself at the same time. It's not true, I don't do it. I mean, I self-injure, but I don't do it so very often anymore. Only when I really hate this thing that is happening to me! And it's none of their business what I do to myself either. I just think that every person on earth deserves to have a little privacy! =) peace out <3
I hate my life
This day was a real hell. I woke up at the same time as always and left for school, skipped breakfast, of course. In school, I felt dizzy all the time and I still do. I think someone noticed it. At least my friends did. They got mad because I was hurting myself with not eating anything. I drank only a glass of water in school and a few teachers looked worried again. I hate it, they look like they actually care. And yesterday, I sat in the hallway with my face in my hands during a free period and a teacher came and asked me if everything was okay and I said yeah, just feeling a little dizzy. She left and after two minutes the school nurse came and asked if I had anything bothering me. I can't believe the teacher actually snitched! I have a test on Thursday which I know for sure I will fail. My friends bully me. And I think they aren't really my friends if they do that, are they? I mean, friends are just people who mean the world to you and you can't live without, but does friends make you change who you are? That is the question!
3/11/2011
A day in hell...
This is my very first blog ever, so I'm not sure how to do this, but I think I will get the hang of it soon =P
Today began so very well (sarcasm). I hardly slept last night and when my alarm rang at 6:30, I just wanted to go back to bed. I eventually got up and took a shower, it was so warm that I nearly fell asleep =). When I had gotten dressed, I went downstairs to have breakfast, but my mum wasn't there, so I just made a sandwich and ate it, but I felt really anxious afterwards. When I had brushed my teeth and packed my bag, I finally left for school. I sat outside the class about 35 minutes before the lesson began and the lights were out. When the janitor came in, he turned on the lights and said that I just sat there quiet in the dark. When he left he turned them off again and smiled. I saw it through a mirror and sort of smiled back. I don't even remember what it felt like to actually smile. Five minutes later my friend came and she turned on the lights -.- I love her, but sometimes she's so freaking annoying. She has this urge to always be right and she thinks she's better than me. I do my best in some things and she complains that I don't do something right. She is obsessed with others and wouldn't last two seconds alone. Anyway, she had forgotten (or didn't dare show it to her parent) to take a signature to the English test, she got a 6 (I got a 10 =)) and she was about to fake it, but the teacher came, and she pretended she was looking through her bag. The teacher went to the classroom, and left the door open and my friend was about to pull out the test, when I told her that he would be back and so she went to the bathroom to do it. The teacher did come back to put his coat on the coat rack, then he went back inside but didn't shut the door properly. When my friend came back she showed me the faked signature and she had failed her first try so she had messed it up. She was so not going to get away with it. Unfortunately, she did. What am I saying, that's horrible and so mean. I can't talk crap about my friends. Anyway, on the English lesson, we got to continue writing our stories of suspense =). I finished mine and I was to only one. Some girls hadn't even begun with theirs. After that we had reading. I read a house of night novel and studied for biology at the same time. Next lesson was a biology test. I knew most of the answers, but I won't get a 10, probably a 7 =/. Then we had math. I had forgotten to do my homework and did it during the break. We had the lesson in the hallway because all classrooms were full =). Then we had lunch. I never eat at school, ever, I hate the school food, and I always skip lunch on weekdays to lose weight. I sat at the table with my three friends, they all ate and I drank only one glass of water. Two teachers walked past me and both looked at me with a worried look on their face. You'd think they would be used to it by now, I haven't eaten in school for one and a half year! I have turned into a real geek now. We have a test on Thursday next week, and I already want to start studying =P. After that we had drama. I hate it. I am very shy, so the drama lessons are actually scary for me. We had to dance! I suck at dancing. I hate it, because I suck at it! Finally, when I refused to dance solo in front of everyone, the teacher told me (and two others girls who also refused to do it) to go home. The teacher would talk to us on Monday about it. Can't wait. When I got home, I went to my room, but my dad came and told me to come downstairs. There had been an earthquake in Japan, and a massive tsunami =O =(
I spent the entire afternoon researching information about the consequences from the quake. About 300 people had been found lying dead on a beach =( and the tsunami continued until it hit Hawaii, Alaska and California. Why does things like this happen in this world. I wanted to take my own life this afternoon. If those people in Japan can't live their lives without being killed by a tsunami, then why should any of us live at all. What's the point of this life, I don't get it. Your mum gives birth to you, you live at home and go to school until you are eight-teen. You move away and start working. You make mistakes and learn new things. You grow old and lose your memory. You die. Nobody gets out of this life alive. I don't see the point in living. There's nothing more important in life than to be who you really are. It's all that matters!
Today began so very well (sarcasm). I hardly slept last night and when my alarm rang at 6:30, I just wanted to go back to bed. I eventually got up and took a shower, it was so warm that I nearly fell asleep =). When I had gotten dressed, I went downstairs to have breakfast, but my mum wasn't there, so I just made a sandwich and ate it, but I felt really anxious afterwards. When I had brushed my teeth and packed my bag, I finally left for school. I sat outside the class about 35 minutes before the lesson began and the lights were out. When the janitor came in, he turned on the lights and said that I just sat there quiet in the dark. When he left he turned them off again and smiled. I saw it through a mirror and sort of smiled back. I don't even remember what it felt like to actually smile. Five minutes later my friend came and she turned on the lights -.- I love her, but sometimes she's so freaking annoying. She has this urge to always be right and she thinks she's better than me. I do my best in some things and she complains that I don't do something right. She is obsessed with others and wouldn't last two seconds alone. Anyway, she had forgotten (or didn't dare show it to her parent) to take a signature to the English test, she got a 6 (I got a 10 =)) and she was about to fake it, but the teacher came, and she pretended she was looking through her bag. The teacher went to the classroom, and left the door open and my friend was about to pull out the test, when I told her that he would be back and so she went to the bathroom to do it. The teacher did come back to put his coat on the coat rack, then he went back inside but didn't shut the door properly. When my friend came back she showed me the faked signature and she had failed her first try so she had messed it up. She was so not going to get away with it. Unfortunately, she did. What am I saying, that's horrible and so mean. I can't talk crap about my friends. Anyway, on the English lesson, we got to continue writing our stories of suspense =). I finished mine and I was to only one. Some girls hadn't even begun with theirs. After that we had reading. I read a house of night novel and studied for biology at the same time. Next lesson was a biology test. I knew most of the answers, but I won't get a 10, probably a 7 =/. Then we had math. I had forgotten to do my homework and did it during the break. We had the lesson in the hallway because all classrooms were full =). Then we had lunch. I never eat at school, ever, I hate the school food, and I always skip lunch on weekdays to lose weight. I sat at the table with my three friends, they all ate and I drank only one glass of water. Two teachers walked past me and both looked at me with a worried look on their face. You'd think they would be used to it by now, I haven't eaten in school for one and a half year! I have turned into a real geek now. We have a test on Thursday next week, and I already want to start studying =P. After that we had drama. I hate it. I am very shy, so the drama lessons are actually scary for me. We had to dance! I suck at dancing. I hate it, because I suck at it! Finally, when I refused to dance solo in front of everyone, the teacher told me (and two others girls who also refused to do it) to go home. The teacher would talk to us on Monday about it. Can't wait. When I got home, I went to my room, but my dad came and told me to come downstairs. There had been an earthquake in Japan, and a massive tsunami =O =(
I spent the entire afternoon researching information about the consequences from the quake. About 300 people had been found lying dead on a beach =( and the tsunami continued until it hit Hawaii, Alaska and California. Why does things like this happen in this world. I wanted to take my own life this afternoon. If those people in Japan can't live their lives without being killed by a tsunami, then why should any of us live at all. What's the point of this life, I don't get it. Your mum gives birth to you, you live at home and go to school until you are eight-teen. You move away and start working. You make mistakes and learn new things. You grow old and lose your memory. You die. Nobody gets out of this life alive. I don't see the point in living. There's nothing more important in life than to be who you really are. It's all that matters!
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